Watching a Netflix doc about Muslim punks. Not too bad. The glass of wine is nice reminding me of just how long it has been since I have smelled the sweat and felt the heat of a live show. I miss vinyl but I know that you just can't hold on to anything too tightly. Not people, not jobs, not even yourself. Eventually it all fades to the great beyond and these days I am questioning everything.I ate meat last week for the first time in 16 years. I have considered all things, ending a life, beginning a new one. Yes, being married and in love is a glorious thing but I feel at odds with society. I feel at odds with the system and yet blind allegiance makes the money. what would I do if I was poor? I mean really poor... really really fucking dirt on the street poor. i would do what anyone does... survive.  It can all go in a dust cloud. I have lived long enough to realize this. Work hard, play hard, be a weekend warrior... what else is there? Get the money, get the house, live long and old and content... In the end does the great understanding come? When we are face to face with our end do we see the truth? Does the end ever really come? You see I was raised on the time of the end. I was raised with that glorious prospect of the kingdom and then I had to accept it wasn't real. I have seen enough to know revolution is an illusion, things reset themselves to the status quo in a matter of years. Change the world? That's the talk of rainbows....

Birds of the desert

A person tends to wonder what longing really means. We are late-comers in terms of evolution but the landscape keeps changing. There are no boundaries for those who can fly but left on the side of the road is the windfall for vultures and the years will continue to pass. A therapist cannot understand why you don't want children. A 7% bonus merges on the back of the antfarm you live in and everyone is hungry. Netflix numbs, facebook numbs, instagram reminds you how pretty your enemies are. But facing the steady stream of the winds with my blue wings something tells me I will survive. It crashes, it crashes, it crashes, the images and memories, lost. Is there water in the desert?

time

I listened to 'Flesh and Blood' for the first time in about 3 years this morning. It was a glorious dawn as I waited for the bus; frigid crisp air kissing my cheeks and the intoxicating wash of midnight blue fading to the pale of early morning. I love Bryan Ferry's voice. I hadn't heard 'Oh, Yeah' in so long and I remembered how much I love his fluttery tenor.

I can't wait for Jackie to get home. Marriage does strange things to the passing of time. The day of the wedding was a rapid fire blur, fast as a shooting star we were kissing in the church and then drinking wine in the hotel room. Last night was the first night I have had to spend away from him since we got married and it feels as though I haven't laid eyes on him for a week.

Time passes in strange ways these days. Reading 'The Grapes of Wrath' at work made my breaks stretch out considerable but now that I have the blasted iPhone my break goes by in an instant. Is this the coil of technology? Is it speeding up time? Is marriage speeding up time?

All I want is sleep right now...